


Tuesday morning odyssey

by BakedAppleSauce



Series: The desert is a waste of time [26]
Category: Peaky Blinders (TV)
Genre: Companionable Snark, Dialogue-Only, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, on their way to work, this is just... two idiots in a car
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-13
Updated: 2019-12-13
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:08:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21774973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BakedAppleSauce/pseuds/BakedAppleSauce
Summary: “It’s been five minutes, quit acting like you’re fuckin’ Odysseus.”Aka "The most married thing I've ever written."(This is part of a bigger AU, but probably makes complete sense without any context as well. Set at some point in the very distant future.)
Relationships: Tommy Shelby/Alfie Solomons
Series: The desert is a waste of time [26]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1310750
Comments: 47
Kudos: 408





	Tuesday morning odyssey

“Fuckin’ hell! Missed the two blokes back there, yeah, so you’re plannin’ on hittin’ him instead?”

“I don’t.”

“Do, too.”

“Wasn’t gonna hit those two back there, either.”

“Were, too.”

“No, I wasn’t.”

“... so now what, you’re gonna go as slow as a snail what is visually impaired? Yeah? Just to spite me? That is very low, mate, right, even by your standards.”

“There’s only one lane!”

“So?!”

_ “So, _ I can’t go any- you know what, nevermind.”

“I’m gonna be late.”

“You’re already late!”

“And who’s fault is that, mate? Hmm?”

“Not mine.”

“Not mi-  _ not mine,  _ he says! Cyril, did you hear that? Not mine! If you hadn’t- bloody hell, what now. Why’re we stopping.”

“Because they’re crossing the road over there.”

_ “So?” _

“Oh, so you actually  _ want  _ me to drive through of a bunch of ladies pushing their prams?”

“...s’what the horn is for, innit.”

“Do _ not-” _

“-just to let ‘em know, right, real quick-”

“Alfie, I swear to God-”

_ “Ow!  _ Calm down, fuckin’ hell!”

“...stop being dramatic.”

“Stop  _ stopping  _ the bloody car, then!”

“Stop  _ talking, _ then!”

“...”

“...”

“Where are we… why are you going that way, mate.”

“...”

“Oi.”

“...”

“Tommy.”

“...”

“Thomas. Light of my life and bane of my entire fuckin’ existence, why in the name of  _ fuck-” _

“Because they’re repaving the other one, all right! If you’d paid any attention yesterday, you’d know that.”

“No, they’re not.”

“Yes, they are.”

“Are not.”

“Jesus  _ fuckin’  _ Christ-”

“It’s not my fault, yeah, that you’re insisting on drivin’ around in  _ fuckin’  _ circles instead of just getting a poor man to his humble place of work-”

“It’s been five minutes, quit acting like you’re fuckin’ Odysseus.”

“Well, I’m not gonna wait twenty bloody years, now am I. No thanks, mate, I’m gonna run off with one of the other cunts long before that. Right? Can’t sit around starin’ at the horizon forever.”

“...what the fuck are you talking about.”

“S’what you said, innit.”

“What did I say?”

“If I was  _ fuckin’  _ Odysseus, yeah, which, clearly, that would make me-”

“Christ, shut  _ up.” _

“Do not rub your fuckin’ eyes at me, mate!”

“...”

“Do not roll them either!”

“Maybe I should just close them, eh? See where it gets us.”

“If Cyril dies in  _ your  _ car accident, he’ll never forgive you!”

“Yes, he will. He’ll know it was your fault.”

“He’ll- you fuckin’  _ what!  _ How dare you-  _ my  _ fault??”

“Yeah. Because I swear, I’ll crash this fuckin’ car if you don’t. Stop. Talking.”

“Fine, then!  _ Fine. _ Anything for the great Tommy Shelby. You know, you’re really not a morning person.”

“Yes, that’s  _ exactly  _ it.”

“...”

“...”

“Out of curiosity, right, I feel like I have to ask – would it be possible, yeah, possible in any way, to go  _ even slower  _ than this? ‘Cause I’m just worried, right, that we’re gonna end up back at the house, having travelled backwards in time without even noticing and- ...hang on. Hang on a fuckin’ second, mate. You doin’ this on purpose now?” 

“...”

“Tommy!”

“...no.”

“Ohhh,  _ fuck off,  _ mate.”

“Backwards in time, you mean?”

“You are! You’re doin’ this on fuckin’ purpose!”

“...definitely not.”

“Lying! Straight to my face as well! What is the world coming to-”

“It  _ is  _ a tragedy.”

“Listen, mate, if you’re trying to sabotage me and my livelihood by trying to keep me from- oh. Would you look at that.”

“There we are, eh?”

“There we are.”

“And you didn’t age a day.”

“That’s very kind of you to say, Thomas, but I feel like spiritually, yeah, in the depths of my very essence, right, my  _ soul,  _ if you will, I’m a much older man now.”

“That’s fine. I can be superficial.”

“Very fuckin’ gracious of you, innit. By the way, you stayin’ the night?”

“At your house?”

“Oh… well no, actually… you see, mate, I’m just asking for a good friend of mine, aren’t I, who just wanted to invite you over, right, on account of you bein’ such delightful fuckin’ company… so it’s really a bit awkward, this, innit, what with you thinkin’ you might sleep in  _ my  _ bed and all-”

“Won’t be around before ten.”

“S’fine, mate. You take your time.”

“Don’t start weaving.”

“Don’t take two bloody decades to show up, then, hm? How ‘bout that?”

“I’ll try.”

“Yeah, yeah. S’what they all say.”

“Goodbye, Alfie.”

“Farewell, farewell.”

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know why this exists. It just does. Shhh, don't question it.
> 
> I'm [bakedapplesauce](https://bakedapplesauce.tumblr.com/) on tumblr.


End file.
